Friendship Breakups Are Real—Here’s When to Hold On and When to Let Go

As I scroll through the Instagram stories of my old friends, a sense of longing lingers as I move from one story to the next. A thought crossed my mind: I don’t know them anymore. There was a time they were the ones I sat with at lunch, laughed with over inside jokes, and cried beside when one of us had a broken heart. We saved each other’s seats without asking, and we talked about our dreams like the world was ours to shape. At the back of our minds, we believed that we’d always be this close.

Now, it’s just the occasional birthday greeting that sometimes, we even forget.

Why some friendships end

Friendships that end quietly are not uncommon. Licensed psychologist Jill Ann Tan, RPsy, MA, clinic co-head at We Thrive, Inc., tells Allure Philippines that many friendships shift during major life transitions—marriage, caregiving, or a new career.

As we grow older, our priorities change—and not every relationship can come with us into the next chapters of our lives.

“Mid-adulthood is when we’re starting to really find ourselves and choose the lives that we want. We’re more intentional about who we want to keep in our lives, and who we want to let go of,” says Tan.

Being intentional now means making space for relationships that fit who we are—not just who we were.

Most of the time, these changes happen so slowly that we barely notice the distance growing, until we just realize one day that we haven’t spoken to them in a long time, and life has pulled us in different directions. There’s no dramatic fallout, just an end to a relationship that has served its purpose and no longer fits the lives we’re building.

But not all friendships end quietly. Some don’t fade, they fracture. Just like in romantic relationships, friendships can also reach a point where you have to walk away for your own sake.

So, what does it mean to break up with a friend, and how do you know when it’s time?

Breaking up with a friend: signs and first steps

Licensed psychologist and psychometrician and certified life coach Elle Bonifacio, RPsy of MindNation shares when you should draw a boundary between you and your friend.

“Friendship thrives on balance,” Bonifacio says. So, if you’ve been feeling like “you’re always the one reaching out, listening, or showing up while they rarely do the same, the relationship may be more one-sided than supportive.”

While it’s important to keep in mind that, as humans, our energies and emotions are not always the same every day, consistently feeling like you’re “walking on eggshells” or being surrounded by “constant negativity, criticism, and toxic energy” when you’re with them can be a red flag, Bonifacio explains.

“Boundaries matter, too,” she adds. “When a friend repeatedly ignores or disrespects the limits you’ve set, it signals a lack of respect.”

To sum it up, a healthy relationship must feel reciprocal, respectful, and emotionally safe. When it starts to feel the opposite, it’s worth checking if the relationship is still worth having. As Bonifacio emphasizes, recognizing these signs isn’t about blaming the other person, but about protecting your peace, and prioritizing your well-being.

How to move on

Moving on from a friendship looks a lot like moving on from a romantic relationship. It comes with grief, hurt, and the heartbreak of letting go. It’s so easy to get lost in these intense emotions, and it’s understandable and valid. Because when the same person who once knew everything about you suddenly becomes a stranger, it leaves a mark in your heart.

According to Tan, losing a friend is a “mental injury.” One way to cope: let yourself feel and process the emotions. Allow yourself to sit with the discomfort that comes with change. “Go out, eat your favorite food, learn how to take care of yourself, and nurture the relationships that are still there,” she recommends.

Letting go “doesn’t erase the joy or the lessons shared—it creates space for healthier relationships to grow,” Bonifacio adds.

Losing a friend, especially a close friend, is difficult to process. But over time, you’ll learn to carry the memories you’ve shared without needing them to return, and instead, remember them as a part of the village that raised you.

It’s not that we’ve forgotten about them, or that we don’t care anymore. We’ve simply outgrown the versions of ourselves that needed them. Life moves on, as it always does. And that’s okay. You can honor the past and protect your present. The love was real; the boundary is, too.