AZ Martinez: Rewriting Her Inner Voice
Showbiz and life in the public eye can do a number on personal insecurities. AZ Martinez opens up about a nerve-wracking stay inside Bahay ni Kuya actually helped her quiet her thoughts and learn which voice matters the most—her own.
On a typical day, AZ Martinez is usually battling her thoughts. They intrude into her day, and mostly make her question herself. “I would say that I’m an over-thinker. I’m very self-conscious,” Martinez tells us, bare-faced and looking quite vulnerable as she opens up to Allure Philippines before she takes her seat in the makeup chair. “I would actually say insecure also,” she admits. “I’ve always wanted feedback and validation from others, and the approval of other people.”
Borgy Angeles
These thoughts went with her as she packed her bags, and headed into Bahay ni Kuya, resigned to living in a fishbowl for several months, for everyone to watch. “I was always wondering, ‘Do they like me? What does the outside world think about me? What do the other housemates think about me?’” she confesses. “I’m always thinking about those things. Inside the house, those thoughts were magnified, and I admit they made me so frustrated to the point that it was affecting the other housemates already.”
The challenge of living in the Big Brother house wouldn’t be easy for anyone, nor is Martinez’s predicament of insecurity and self-doubt uncommon. But Martinez, as an actress, beauty queen, and reality show contestant, inhabits a world where opinions are rife, criticism comes from all directions, and rejection is practically a standard. It’s difficult to work on your own self-esteem when you’re constantly being shot down and rejected.
Martinez, who got her start in beauty pageants in her teens and went on to do television dramas under her home network, GMA, has had to deal with the brunt of it in the entertainment industry, and it definitely hasn’t come easy.
In the cutthroat world of beauty pageantry, Martinez was tried as well. “When I was joining pageants, it was really hard for me,” she shares. “During my first pageant, in 2022, I didn’t know how to walk yet, and I received a lot of negative feedback. People said, ‘Why did she join? She won’t even make the top 15. She doesn’t know how to walk. She doesn’t know how to answer. She doesn’t know how to construct her sentences.’” Martinez used extra time from a delay in the pageant because of a typhoon to do extra training, and went on to prove her detractors wrong. “But there were still comments,” she says wryly. “People always have something more to say.”
Inside Bahay ni Kuya, instead of extra training, Martinez turned to her housemates, who cheered her on, which she notes is a stark contrast from the nitpicking she’s used to. “The people I found inside the house always managed to mention something good, like ‘Why don’t you give yourself more credit? You’re really good at this. You’re smart.’ I really appreciate all that,” Martinez shares.
It’s apparent that validation for Martinez still comes through other people. But as she tells us about her time inside Bahay ni Kuya, she also lets little anecdotes fall that make it apparent that she’s also learning to stand on her own.
Take, for example, how she’s dealt with the expected waves of comments and criticism from the viewing public, about each of the housemates. Martinez says she actually surprised herself by taking it in stride. “Before going into the house, just a little comment, I would break down and hide. But now, when I see negative comments on social media, or if I get tagged in people’s Instagram stories [and it’s criticism], it doesn’t really affect me.”
Borgy Angeles
Martinez says that even in her own eyes, she’s changed—for the better. She no longer sees herself as weak or insecure. Perhaps she’s grown from her time inside the house. Perhaps she’s applying what she says is one of the greatest, albeit hard-won, lessons she’s learned from Bahay ni Kuya—to live in the present.
“It’s for my own well-being to stay present,” she reasons. “My whole journey in the [PBB] house, I was so distracted with all the noise in my head, thinking about so many things, that I forgot to enjoy the moment.” Whether it’s the bonding moments she had with her two best friends inside the house (“Josh and Ralph”), the despair she felt after their eviction (“I was at my lowest. I didn’t know what to do.”), or finding her new safe space in new friends (“I’ve gotten really close to Xyriel.”), these are moments that she will, frankly, never get back. For Martinez, learning to stay present has been its own kind of breakthrough. It’s not just about enjoying the moment—it’s about quieting the noise, letting go of outside opinions, and finally listening inward. Fresh out of the Pinoy Big Brother house as the Fourth Big Placer and slowly learning to be her own source of validation, she’s found a new kind of peace. All other voices fade out, and the loudest, most important one becomes your own.
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Production design: Justine Arcega-Bumanlag
Photographer’s assistants: Rojan Maguyon and Pao Mendoza
Makeup: Anthea Bueno
Hair: Renz Pangilinan
Styling: Joy Bernardo and Jolo Bayoneta of StyLIZed Studio, assisted by Jethro Barrietta, Ayi Custodio , Ashley Jamlang, Beatrize Lagco, and Stephanie Satorre
Art direction: Nicole Almero
Beauty direction: Trina Epilepsia Boutain
Writers: Leira Aquino and Lia Cruz
Special thanks to Pinoy Big Brother: Celebrity Collab Edition and Sparkle GMA Artist Center
