Out of five siblings growing up, Agot Isidro calls herself the darkest—in terms of skin color, that is. The children of a Filipino father and a half-Palestinian mother, her siblings, she says, “were white as snow, all very fair, maputi, with blonde hair.” And she, the darkest-skinned of the lot, was a skinny little girl who loved to swim outdoors, which gave her beautiful, brown skin an uneven tone. 

People, she remembers, weren’t nice about it.

“They would tell my mom, ‘Ohhh, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo,’ and then point to me and say, ‘Sino siya?’” Agot narrates. “I was not pretty growing up. I had insecurities because of my color, because I was so different from my sisters. But my mom would say, ‘You know, she’s going to be the most beautiful of all my children.’ So that kind of gave me hope.”

It’s difficult today to imagine Isidro needing that hope, and that boost of confidence about her looks. The grace and quiet self-assurance that she moves with today belie a childhood lived as an ugly duckling. One would think, years later, that ending up in front of a camera and under the bright lights of showbiz would put to rest the disparaging little voices from childhood. 

But even when she entered the industry, she still felt… different. “It was the 90s!” Agot explains, laughing. “It was difficult! All the whitening agents, creams, facials were out. Lahat sila, mestiza.”

BJ Pascual

Experimenting with glutathione—and regretting it

Perhaps it was a sign of the times, perhaps it was her succumbing to the pressure, but Isidro actually found herself trying glutathione—albeit very, very briefly.

“I did go through a ‘gluta moment,’” Isidro admits. “You know, my self-confidence just kind of got eaten up, and I wanted to see if I did turn whiter, I’d feel better. So I tried it. Everyone was doing it.” But, today, Isidro waves the dalliance off with a flourish of her hand. “I just didn’t have the patience for it. And I did like the way I looked—I just wanted to try it (glutathione). And after a while, as I got older, I just didn’t care anymore. This is who I am.”

Glutathione, as it turns out, has never been scientifically proven to whiten skin.  Jasmin Jamora, MD, president of The Philippine Dermatological Society, has spoken to Allure Philippines about its dangers. The FDA has also never approved its use for cosmetic purposes.

When she thinks about that very brief foray into whitening, Isidro points out that, like any character-building journey, it was probably a piece of the puzzle that was needed to complete the bigger picture.

“I probably had to go through that,” she muses. “I’m at peace with that. I had to go through building my confidence. It made a better person—stronger, more balanced. I don’t want to change that.”

Reflecting on her time in showbiz, Isidro feels compelled to share that, although she did feel the pressure of the 90s zeitgeist, she was never made to feel lacking in the industry with her darker skin tone. “I didn’t feel like I was excluded from the idea of beautiful women. I was just different. I wasn’t ugly, but I was different.”

Times today, she’s noticed, are a far cry from the 1990s. “Media is kinder now, actually,” she notes. “You see diverse representation—color, gender—so much better than three decades ago. We’re getting there.” Isidro also points out how refreshing it is to have more morena actresses now, who are doing so well. “And it’s not even about their looks. As long as you do your job well, you’re fine.”

As someone who has spent decades in showbiz, has struggled with confidence and self-acceptance—looks included—and is, believe it or not, turning 60 next year, Isidro scoops all of this wisdom out from a cavernous well that has been dug deeper through the years by experience.

“I didn’t like myself before,” she admits, “but every year that passes, I’m kind of liking myself more and more. You have to go through it—the only way out is through. You can change your look, but how you see yourself, that’s up to you.”

Makeup: Juan Sarte. Hair: Paul Nebres. Fashion styling: Maica Tady of Qurator, assisted by Claire Fernando, Shark Tanael, and Bea Panganiban.

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